It’s 1:37 am. I am sitting motionless on my couch, covered in everything from snot to three different meals from today. I’m contemplating just falling asleep right where I sit, but I still have to find the strength to take care of myself and get to bed. I’m just too exhausted. Defeated, if you will. To describe my day visually: imagine a turtle drawing scribbles on a piece of sandpaper whilst screaming to the top of his lungs. Poky and complete mayhem.
I wake up at 6 am every morning. I didn’t sleep so great lastnight, so I wanted to have a nice cup of coffee to give me boost. This is what started turning the wheels. Our neighbor’s cat snuck in lastnight, again. Coincidentally, my sugar (the good stuff I prefer in my coffee) was all over the floor. The. Entire. Container. So there goes my coffee, and now I’m cleaning sugar at six in the morning caused by a cat that doesn’t even belong to me. But I am hopeful this day can still be great so I clean up real quick and let the cat out. By this time my son has heard that I was awake and is fussing in his room. I open his door and immediately realize how angry I am at my neighbor’s cat for spilling my sugar and ruining my coffee because I walked into a dirty diaper scene. Poop everywhere. The walls touching his crib were covered, his clothes, his bed, the diaper is on the floor, and poop stuck in the carpet. How? How does a child manage to get poop everywhere? The battle has begun, me vs. this day. I run to the bath tub to start filling it with water and stop dead in my tracks. Not only did that sweet ‘ole kitty spill my sugar, he decided to pee in my bath tub too.. Breathe, I tell myself. Just a bad start. I don’t really have the time to bleach my tub, I go get my boy and stand him above where the spot was, turn the shower on and start to attempt cleaning the poop off of him. My son usually loves taking a bath or even a shower but today, of course today, he decides he doesn’t want to shower. On top of trying to not vomit and trying to keep him from sitting where the cat pee was, i had to keep him from trying to climb out of the tub. There is water everywhere and I can feel my frustration rise higher and higher, my son has now started to whine and throw a fit.. I felt like the bathing process was never going to end but it finally did. I got him dressed and put in his highchair to start breakfast. I’ll get to the messy room when he is occupied with food, I told myself. I decided on something quick. Eggs, yogurt, fruit and a cup of milk. Simple, fast, and filling. Thank goodness breakfast went well because he is completely content , which gave me time to clean his diaper massacre in the bedroom. I’ll spare you the details but let’s say it took atleast a good two hours with several breaks and my fiancé tending to our son to get it finished. After that was all said and done, it was about 10:20 am. Just 40 minutes before my son’s nap time. Which I was to soon find out wasn’t happening. He decided, with his idependant two year old self, that he was NOT taking a nap today. He was going to stay up and run around the house like a mad man. Breathe..just breathe. I’m keeping my cool because he is just two and these things happen sometimes..just breathe. Since he chose to not sleep, I chose to take him outside to play and exert some of his energy out. Well we get outside and there is trash EVERYWHERE. Neighbors. Again. So our usual spot was out of the question. I had to go to the grocery store anyway, so it wouldn’t hurt to take him to the park. So I thought. We weren’t even at the park for FIVE minutes whenever my son falls and busts his lip wide open, blood running down his face and dripping on his clean white(of course I chose white) shirt. I usually bring extra clothes everywhere we go, but today I did not. I was in a hurry, which means i have to go all the way back home to change his clothes. We do that and get his poor lip fixed up and head for the store. This was a terrible idea.. What was I thinking taking an already cranky toddler into a store? He has a full fledged meltdown in the middle of the store. What does a mother do in a situation like this? Discipline your child and get called a horrible mother or do nothing but try and console them and get told to discipline him and he wouldn’t act this way? I chose to console him and talk to him. Long-behold an older couple walked up to me with my screaming child in my arms and told me I shouldn’t have brought him here and that it was bad judgment to bring my screaming baby into a store full of people. Like I knew he would have a meltdown, right? They also expressed to me they were leaving because of my one child in this great big store. I simply told them, “God bless you for your ignorance” and I walked away. There was no need to argue with them, but I must admit I didn’t finish my shopping and left the store.
When we got home it was lunch time, I get it cooked and him fed. After lunch, I clean up and had my son coloring for “quite” time. Whew, I thought. I am going to get a minute for a break. Nope. No break. Somehow, in the span of two minutes, my son found a permanent marker and started coloring the walls of his bedroom. At this point I am ready to give up and just let him go to town with the marker, but we rent our home and our annual inspections are coming up so that cannot happen. I put a movie on(yes my child watches TV). I get to cleaning the mess and remembered I used all of my cleaner from earlier to clean the poop! Oh Lord please have mercy! I call out. Fast forward a little, and my fiancé got off work. He worked a half shift today which made me feel a little better. He occupies our son long enough for me to make dinner. Why I chose spaghetti for dinner, I’ll never know. When we were all full and finished eating, my son reaches across the table and dumps the rest of spaghetti on the table and starts playing with it. Which was alot of spaghetti left, I would like to add. I start breaking down. My fiancé is confused and not sure what to say. I tell him it’s just been a rough day, he offers to clean the mess while I take the baby in for a bath, (the pee was cleaned by this point). I get him out of the tub and into his pajamas. I got his tooth brush and put tooth paste on it and he decides the toilet needed to be cleaned. Ugh, okay I get out an extra tooth brush and put toothpaste on it. This time he throws it in the toilet.. Its already passed his bedtime. My fiancé already went to bed because he had to work early the next day. Completely fed up, I put my son to bed without brushing his teeth. I tried anyway. He screamed, kicked and knocked on the wall for two hours before finally giving up and passing out(with me going in there every 15 minutes to calm him). After he finally gave in, I had to clean up the house and get some laundry finished.
Today was not my day at all. It’s one 1:37 am. I finally sit down and I bawl my eyes out. I feel like I have completely failed as a mother. I am defeated. Days like today, show me how much I appreciate the good days. I long for my son’s smile and happy laughs and pray I get that side tomorrow. It’s hard being a mother at times. It’s challenging, to say the least. But none of this can compare to the joy being a mother brings. It’s just one day, tomorrow will be different. Finally saying goodnight, until we meet again.